HORROR BITES: July 2015

We will be scraping away at your various phobias this month with our big UK TV premiere CRAWL OR DIE! And when those are your only options you better be good at getting down on those hands and knees! This first feature length film from Oklahoma Ward stars his partner Nicole Alonso as the feisty (and bendy) ‘Tank’ marking this new horror double act one to watch.With a brilliant back story, Earth as we know it has gone, disease having rendered the human race infertile, except for one lucky lady. And no this is not impregnation sleaze in the vein of ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ (remember that one on Horror?!) but rather an acute exercise in raw human fear. An Elite team of hardcore soldiers are tasked with the protection and delivery of this fertile woman (their ‘package’) to the new home planet Earth 2, but all plans for operation baby fall flat when the team are forced to escape into a network of underground tunnels which only get smaller and darker. And of course it wouldn’t be horror if they were alone would it? Clearly NASA and Co didn’t do their research as our new ‘home’ planet is in fact populated by nasty aliens. Alonso as Tank heading the elite security force really steals the show here and must have had one hell of a hard time on the shoot for she contorts herself into all manner of painstaking positions, like her name – she rocks. If, like me, you’re a fan of old school prosthetics over CGI then you’re in the right place with the directors ‘NO CGI rule!’ Something I always applaud and think warrants a watch.In a recent interview with FrightFest’s Greg Day this is what Nicole Alonso and Oklahoma Ward had to say on their first UK TV premiere!G: So guys, first of all, how pleased are you that the UK’s Horror Channel are screening the film?

N:  Oh, very pleased! We have gotten many UK fans asking us when/where they can see CRAWL OR DIE, I’m thrilled to finally be able to give them an answer!

O: Greatly! Since the release of CRAWL OR DIE we are contacted every other day on social media by fans in the UK asking where they can see the movie. Excited that now we can proudly tell them where they can experience CRAWL OR DIE!

CRAWL OR DIE    UK TV PREMIERE        FRIDAY 17th JULY    22.55

Three more superb premieres coming your way in July; who could ever forget Jennifer Anniston’s performance (and break into Hollywood!) with the now cult ‘Leprechaun?!’ Well don’t worry no lame hammy leprechauns here but rather a monstrous manifestation of Ireland’s most famous fairy folk in the UK TV premiere of RED CLOVER. St Patrick’s Day turns sour when a young girl picks said Red Clover and inadvertently awakens an ancient curse bringing forth a Leprechaun-esque creature long buried to cause murder and mayhem to the town once more. Parallels can be drawn between this and the brilliant Drag Me To Hell with both lead ladies marked by an old curse that sees them given a set amount of time (In Red Clover’s case – 4 days) to beat the curse or die. Starring Billy Zane and a monstrous leprechaun this is a fun popcorn kinda horror!

RED CLOVER    UKTV PREMIERE        FRIDAY 10th JULY 21.00

We all know sex and death walk happily hand in hand along the path of horror and to this end Vampires form the perfect manifestation of these wanton themes. If any of you saw the original EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE you’re probably already getting excited as you remember shameless amounts of naked female flesh in the shape of Alyssa Milano. July sees the remake of this 90’s erotic horror with the 2013 EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE with new pouty blonde starlet Sharon Hinnendael taking on the virginal yet soon to be wanton Charlotte (yes wanton is my word of the week)

If it’s plot you want Charlotte is a virginal ex Catholic school girl at college on a fencing scholarship who begins having surreal visions and erotic dreams – generally feeling out of sorts until she learns that she’s actually a half vampire descendant and there’s a bloodsucker hiding out at college who certainly likes the smell of her! If ummmm it’s not plot you want then fear not – there’s still plenty of locker room girly antics and naked initiation scenes to keep you hooked.

EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE (2013) UK TV PREMIERE FRIDAY 3rd JULY 21.00

It’s rare the UK produces what’s often referred to as ‘backwoods survival horror’ in that ‘Deliverance’ vein as traditionally this fear of woodland or outback survival populated by hicks n wierdos is an American theme but with the UK TV premiere of THE HIKE you get just that; British backwoods horror starring a group of soon-to-be tortured gang of denim hot pant wearing girls – typical. Mentally scarred from the war in Afghanistan, Kate (Stunt girl Zara Pythian) goes on a woodland camping trip with her BFF’s for some female bonding and obligatory skinny dipping (horror faux pas number one ladies – come on!) but soon the idyllic setting turns to survival horror when they come across some very nasty men indeed. In the same ilk as I Spit On Your Grave you better be prepared for some uncomfortable scenes. Look out for The Descent’s Shauna Macdonald and Hostel’s Barbara Nedeljakova.

THE HIKE    UK TV PREMIERE        FRIDAY 24th JULY 22.45

Till next time Let the Nightmare Begin!