So, here I am typing up my column for SCREAM Magazine and trying desperately to crowbar a clever link between the fast approaching general election and the horror movies on the channel this month but ummmm while there are plenty of horrors that enjoy socio-political stings in their tails (Romero anyone?), I just can’t make this months crop of horrors echo the current political fever taking over our airwaves so instead, how about this?
If you’ve had enough of the ‘Cameron, Miliband, Clegg and Farage bitch fight’ and just don’t know which way to turn (think that’s most of us) then why not take a step back, take a deep breath, watch some nasty movies, get a little perspective and then rustle together some kind of warped opinion after a night or two with Horror Channel?! Sounds like a plan….
This month we’re excited to have the vengeance soaked thriller SAVAGED (2013) hit our screens, this film has got a lot of tongues–a–wagging; here’s why.
Guaranteed to have you screaming at the screen as you root for the poor violated heroine this film is a heady concoction of violence, possession and ultimately revenge. A deaf and mute girl goes on a desert road trip but when she witnesses a gang of rednecks murder Native Americans she becomes their next form of ‘entertainment.’ They rape her, torture her and leave her for dead; all pretty grim viewing but of course it does not end there! An Indian Shaman finds her lifeless body and performs a resurrection ritual but in so doing the spirit of an angry Apache Indian warrior enters her body and uses her as a vessel to exact his own revenge on the disgusting hillbillies that wronged him in the past. So now our victim is armed not only with her own need for revenge against the rapist pigs but the anger and indeed skills of an Apache Warrior! Those hillbillies don’t stand a chance. Let’s just say the revenge element is amazing as she takes each man out with glee one by one. Point blank range.
SAVAGED UK PREMIERE SATURDAY 16th May 22.55
My next pick is original creature feature SPLINTER (2008). Featuring not the horrors of getting those darn splinters in your finger after a spot of woodwork but it’s not far off! A loved up couple’s camping trip takes a detour when they pick up two hitchers who turn out to be crims on the run. After a stop at a rural gas station, however, life takes a seriously weird turn when they discover a strange parasite with infectious spikes killing and living off human bodies. This will make your skin crawl as the creature injects lethal spikes into its victims initially killing, and then reanimating their lifeless rotting bodies. With old school real effects seeming a thing of the past it’s celluloid heaven to watch a film that steers clear of CGI.
SPLINTER NETWORK PREMIERE SATURDAY 30th May 22.50
Next up a typical ‘cabin in the woods’ horror turns into far more original horror fare when our gang of soon-to–be victims discover a disused mine shaft and shafting (sorry) all sense of safety and logic decide to go explore, even though there are strange cryptic warnings written in red on the walls such as “This is the first time” and “Break the cycle.” Suffice to say our group of friends soon realise things are not of this world down there as time, logic and reality become very blurred indeed.
MINE GAMES NETWORK PREMIERE FRIDAY 8th May 21.00
Every now and then you get a horror which is downright bizarre and this is one of them. Ever seen a Tattoo come to life?! No me neither, read on.
Written by Jonathan King who directed Black Sheep this is a Singapore / New Zealand joint effort with a somewhat muddled yet original plot. A tattoo artist (Jake) becomes obsessed with the art of traditional Samoan tattooing using authentic wooden needles and at a convention for the art he steals one of the wooden tools. Big mistake. He is soon plagued by nightmarish visions; a ghastly black spectre; Jake has been cursed and has become a tool for the evil itself to spread via his tattoos. Everyone he marks winds up dead as the tattoos themselves become real life manifestations. Weird. In this case a tattoo is not just for life, it’s for death!
THE TATTOOIST NETWORK PREMIERE SATURDAY 23rd May 22.45
The pagan festivities for Mayday are about to kick off as we celebrate fertility this weekend (yeah!) but all is not well at the farm in this prequel of sorts in MESSENGERS 2: THE SCARECROW. Starring Norman Reedus from The Walking Dead, a (sexy) farmer and his family are trying to make the farm prosper, but instead have a killer crow problem, a history of alcoholism and w****r bankers on their backs. However when the farmer discovers a grotesque looking scarecrow in the barn his bad luck turns around when he erects it in the field.
‘You hang yer Scarecrow – and the rewards comes later….’ So says his overly friendly neighbour but even though his son takes one look at the hideous scarecrow and says ‘It’s bad Daddy…..’ he goes ahead and erects the sinister straw bundle anyway. The crows die overnight, anyone getting in their way (said bankers) wind up dead and sexy ladies start dancing naked in his field. Sounds good eh?
MESSENGERS 2: THE SCARECROW – UK PREMIERE FRIDAY 1st MAY 21.00
My last entry for May is the UK premiere of Brit action horror flick PAINTBALL. 8 hardcore adrenalin junkies agree to be blindfolded and driven deep into the woods for a 24-hour game of war. But what they think is a game turns to total bloodshed when they realise someone out there is not using pellets, they’re using bullets. This is non stop stalk and shoot action horror!
PAINTBALL – UK PREMIERE FRIDAY 15th May 21.00